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The Car Ride Home

What to say after your kid's game — and what to skip


By Coach Mac | NARO Performance



When former athletes are asked about their worst memories from youth sports, one answer comes up again and again - not from everyone, but from far more than you'd expect.


The car ride home.


It makes sense when you think about it. The game just ended. The emotions haven't settled yet. And now they're buckled into a seat two feet away from the person whose opinion matters most in the world - with nowhere to go.


I coach college athletes, and I can tell you: the ones who love their sport the longest almost never describe parents who coached them from the front seat. They describe parents who drove the car, maybe stopped for food, and let the game stay at the field.


This is one of the easiest things in youth sports to get right. You just have to know what the ride is for.


It's not for coaching. They already have a coach - what they need on the ride home is a parent.


What works almost every time

  • "I love watching you play."

  • "You looked like you were having fun out there."

  • "Want to grab some food on the way home?"

  • Nothing at all. Silence is allowed. The radio is allowed.


What to skip - even when it's tempting

  • Replaying their mistakes play by play

  • Critiquing the coach or the refs

  • Comparing them to a teammate

  • "Why didn't you shoot / pass / hustle?"


None of those come from a bad place. They come from caring. But in that car, right after a game, your kid can't hear coaching - they can only hear judgment. The same feedback they'd take fine at practice hits much harder coming from you in that moment.


The part most people miss


If your kid wants to talk about the game, they will - sometimes hours later, at dinner or bedtime, once the emotion has settled. That's when they can actually hear you.


And if they never bring it up? Let it go. Not every game needs a review. Some games just need to be over.


And when you're the one who's still worked up


Sometimes the kid is fine and the parent isn't. The blown call, the coach's decision, the mistake you watched happen in slow motion - you're buckled in two feet away, carrying all of it. Silence still works - but there's comfortable quiet, and there's tense quiet, and kids can tell which one is riding in the front seat.


You don't have to be a robot. You just need a plan for the first few minutes. Take the longer route out of the parking lot. Put the radio on before anyone talks. Give yourself the same rule: the game stays at the field unless your kid brings it up. If it helps, decide your first sentence before they get in the car so you feel prepared. Athletes do the same thing before big moments, and it works in the front seat too.


If you remember one thing


"I love watching you play."


Five words. No conditions attached. The phrase comes from the work of coaches Bruce Brown and Rob Miller, who asked hundreds of college athletes what their parents said that made them feel best after games - and this was the answer, over and over. It doesn't depend on the score, the playing time, or whether they had their best day. Kids never get tired of hearing it - and it fits what researchers keep finding about sports parents: kids do better and stay in sports longer when they feel supported rather than evaluated.


That's the whole idea. That's the home game.



Want the one-page version for the fridge or the team group chat?



 
 
 

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